Live Torment

Filming the sketches is most of the fun. We film in our local village and surrounding areas - since we don't have the funds to produce elaborate sets. This makes for some interesting scenarios, most noteworthy Sunday 6 th February 2006 .

Prior to this scheduled filming day, we were having a few pints in our local, The Grey Horse on a Sunday afternoon. We noticed the apparent glumness of the old people coming out of the church opposite. They seemed to be like zombies aimlessly rolling out of the doors - until the Monday evening service that is. It was at this point that we invented a character called Mark - a Welsh lad whose aim is to 'reenergise the church'. Oh and another thing - he thinks he's Jesus Christ.

So along came the 6 th of February - Mark (played by me, Tom) was to prance around outside a church in a couple of shots needed for the sketch. For reasons of time and a word limit, we won't explain the necessity for the large transvestite with a goatee that was also required for the sketch, played by Keith.

Prior to the Jesus sketch Ian slipped in a puddle down one of the back lanes - he was playing someone trying to run away from their shadow. This meant he had to borrow a pair of loud cycling shorts from me - and they didn't fit.

So the scene was set, having found a small church in a quiet area of our village, we went about filming. We wanted the shot to look voyeuristic, so Ian had to hide behind a bush opposite as he proceeded to record the action. Keith, the big tranny with the goatee, was hiding round the corner waiting for his part, and then I made my entrance - running up and down in front of the church spouting Welsh nonsense about the need to rejuvenate Christianity - insisting "pop idol and rugby have taken over". It was going well and we didn't really need another take, but decided it safer to do it once more. We started, and mid-way through the action, a little old lady peered her head from round the corner of the church. I hadn't noticed, nor had Keith (the big tranny) who was still hiding round the corner, so I carried on. Then another little old lady emerged, then another, and another. You see, what we failed to realise is that this quiet church was only quiet because we were filming at the rear of the building. We didn't know that there was a service going on inside as we filmed, and that the congregation started to spill out as we carried on.

I eventually stopped my Welsh preaching; favouring a more sombre mood as I stood before the pensioners with my long brown wig and France '98 T-shirt (the character is just a bit.weird). As if that wasn't enough, Keith (the big tranny) ran round the corner shouting his line "Jesus is back! You big bloody bastard I knew it!" He obviously didn't know what was going on - but soon found out. The farce was complete when Ian nervously came out of the bushes with his luminance green cycling shorts and, probably the most worrying for the congregation, a Digital-8 camcorder.

We walked away from the bewildered pensioners and although our dignity was certainly not in tact, we at least had some footage we could use. And I think we achieved our goal of removing the glumness from the old people's faces. For one wet Sunday in February at least.